Transitioning Baby To Their Own Bed with Bess Piergrossi

So Bess, can you tell us a bit about how you have been doing sleep routines with your daughter up to now?

Oh, sleep. It hasn’t been the lack of sleep that’s been hard, but the lack of rhythm. It’s been one of those things I knew would be a challenge, but I thought I would just be tired. I didn’t understand how many trials and tribulations would be associated with naptime and bedtime. Until a couple of months ago, Beppa contact napped every nap on my chest in a carrier. I was working 9-5 in a very meeting-heavy job, and this was the only way I knew how to reliably get her to quickly and quietly fall asleep so it wouldn’t interfere with my workday. It wasn’t my ideal version of parenting, but one of the common predicaments of being a new, working mom. It reached a point with her being 9 or 10 months old at the time, where it wasn’t sustainable anymore. She coslept with us at night, and my body was becoming too drained; sharing a small bed with her and my husband and waking every 2-3 hours for a feed at 10 months old. The crib was a decoration; she never once tolerated sleeping in it, and something had to give.

What made it time for you to get Beppa her own room / sleeping area?

Our first big step was moving our bed into the guest room, and turning Beppa’s room into an official nursery. Before we always shared a space. I’m all or nothing, so we decided to try sleep training, and get her sleeping independently once and for all. And it was miserable. It’s hard to say if it worked, and we didn’t have the heart to continue it for very long. While it didn’t work to achieve the end goal (getting her to sleep independently throughout the night), it did get her more comfortable, or I guess I should say familiar, with the fact that the crib was a place for sleeping. I quit my job and took one that was more flexible so I could spend the time that was needed establishing a better sleep routine with her during the day for naps, and we made progress. It was a fine balance of giving up control, while also not giving in. She started taking 20-minute naps in the crib…then 30, then 40… And now we’re lucky if we get about an hour, but I’ll take it! At night time, she still struggles and wakes up every 2 hours or so throughout the night, so we usually resort to cosleeping again (in an upgraded bigger bed) to get us through the morning hours.

What was important to you when considering how to put together Beppa’s own nursery?

When creating her own nursery space, I thought it was really important for Beppa to have options. She’s still too little to sleep in a toddler bed unassisted, but having her become familiar with it, play on it, read books, and climb all over it, I think will help ease her transition. She’s extremely strong-willed, so we wanted to create a space where she could roam freely, yet also feel safe. We also wanted her to feel like the space was meant for her! I wanted it to feel playful, warm, and limitless.

Why did Oeuf appeal to you as a company?

“Children deserve good design and a better world, our creations are meant to be loved hard and handed down”. You can’t sum it up any better than that. Except they don’t have just good designs, they are impeccable- from their clothing to their furniture. Simple, minimalist, yet statement pieces! I adore their use of color and pattern. They are aspirational. More important, though, is their ethos and quality. From supporting artisans, to responsibly sourcing their materials. “What do families need? Can we make it well? Can we produce it sustainably? And can we do it in a fresh, interesting way?”. They’ve really hit the nail on the head! I adore them.

How are you putting together Beppa’s toddler bed in the most conscious way possible?

She’s a spoiled little girl sleeping on sun-yellow linen sheets that I made from a tablecloth. Her pillows were reworked and sewn to make a soft landing just large enough for her tiny little head. I am trying to pay attention to the details, to make her space comfortable, special (more for me than for her I’m sure), and fun to explore.

Can you tell us a bit about transitioning Beppa into her own bed?

We haven’t mastered this yet, it will be a process. It has been a process, for the past 13 months. Two steps forward, one step backwards. It’s slow. And that’s okay, we’re getting somewhere, but I’m trying not to rush it. Rushing it, or doing it out of desperation, is a hard place to be. I’ve been there. I’d rather take small steps, and try to cherish the time I have left with her while she’s small enough to fall asleep in my arms instead of racing to leave the room. I’m really grateful to have her nursery set up with both her crib, and her toddler bed so we can try things out, take small steps, and take things slow. We’re not in a rush this time.

Any struggles in the process?

Huge, huge struggles. I’ve spent countless sessions working with a therapist who specializes in postpartum issues talking about Beppa’s sleep. I had a lot of fear trying to put her to sleep, trying to change up the routine, and anxiety while listening to her cry. I didn’t think she was capable of sleeping in her crib… so I didn’t try. My own anxiety around Beppa’s sleep hindered my willingness to try to adopt a new routine. Beppa was capable, she just needed my help. We both needed to try something new, together. I had to be okay listening to her protest, and comfortable enough to sit and rub her back while she cried, for 10 seconds, 20, as long as I could, but I needed to try. And like I said, we’re still not there yet! We’re still trying! We still don’t have a rhythm. It’s been 13 months and Beppa’s never slept through the night, nor spent a full night alone in her crib. It’s constantly a work in progress.

Finally, any tips on how to overcome them you have learned?

We tried every tip in the book. Sleep coaches, books, podcasts, black-out curtains, sound machines, floor beds, if there was a suggestion, we tried it. And it didn’t really work. Maybe bits and pieces, small progress, but we haven’t found a one-size-fits-all solution. My tip would be to remain flexible, and to keep trying new things, even if you don’t have faith they’ll work. It’s helped keep me from getting too rigid. Don’t doubt your baby’s capabilities. They will surprise you, but you need to give them the room to do so. And it might not be perfect, but it will teach you more about eachother, and address both your needs. It takes courage, and tenderness. With yourself, and for your baby.